Some journeys we embark upon with joy and hapiness. Eager to dive into the adventure that awaits. With others, life may or may not hand you a paddle and send you on your way. For me, the latter is how I began my most recent trek into the unknown. On Monday July 19, 2010, I awoke suddenly at about 5am. My chest was pounding. It felt as though my heart would burst through my breast, somehting reminiscent of that scene in Alien! With that said, we knew that something definately was not right. A call to 911 brought paramedics and the news that my heart was basically stuck in Atrial fibrillation and beating at about 160 beats per minute (bpm). The medics loaded me onto their rig and transported me to our local emergency room where doctors confirmed I was in A-fib. No amount of drips or syringes could bring my heartbeat down below 110bpm. Since I am a covered under an HMO, it became apparent that further action would need to be taken to take me out of my A-fib. So, Group Health ordered my transport to their facility.

Now mind you, at this point my blood pressure is about 144/110 and my heart rate is fluctuating between 110 and 180bpm. Doctors were assuring me that I was going to be okay, but having an AC/DC like rock concernt dancing in your chest tends to make you a bit nervous. I was now 7 hours into A-Fib and on the highway. The only thing going through my mind on that drive were my two girls and my partner. I tried to count trees, I wondered if this would be the last time I saw a blue sky. I prayed, I cried, and hoped that life might give me a second chance.

Before we made it to the hospital, about 1/3 of a block away, the nurse halted the drive, my heart was now at about 200bpm...a call was made to inject me with what I beleive to be Anodyne. I was living a real life ER moment as syringes popped, machines beeped, and scraps of pads flew past my head. The first injection caused a feeling of every nerve in my body shutting down. It was like a massive dose of morphine hit my body at once. The heart monitor continued to beep at an increidible pace. The paramedic kept urging me to take deep breaths...my mind kept urging me to not go into the light. As my heart rate dropped they proceeded to rush me into ER. No longer could I hide the fear. For me, this was it, the big adieu. My heart kept banging harder and harder against this growing void in my chest, it seemed to me only a matter of time before it would just say enough already.

I was now 8hours in A-fib. My IV was filled with anti-arrithmic drugs and a bevvy of other medicines to bring me under control. Nothing was working. Leti, my partner, was there by my side. Our two girls were staying with my mom. The only thing going through my head that day was how I could not abandon them...we need eachother, we're a team.

As the A-fib continued my options waned thin and the only course of action was a cardioversion. The idea was to give me a general anasthetic and bring me just under so they could use an electrical jolt to bring my heart back into rythm. Every episode of ER, Emergency and Scrubs played through my head and each ended with the image of a body convulsing under the paddles. There was nothing more that could be done and so a consent form was signed.

I'd like to be able to tell you I don't remember what it was like to have 2 joules run though my body and that this kind of shock really feels like a 2x4 being struck against your chest by a 400lb gorilla, but I can't. I remember the feeling and sounds quite clearly. Oddly enough, I hope I never forget.

Life handed me a paddle of sorts. My heart reverted to its normal rythm and I was discharged that evening. My A-fib lasted nearly 13 hours. As I emerged into the bright summer sky, a view I had only hours before thought would be my last, I knew that my life had been changed forever. That before me was a singular path upon which I must travel. This was the first day of the rest of my life. No more excuses. No more avoidance. If I want to live, while there are no certainties, it is imperative that I turn my life 180-degrees and get off the thin ice of ill-health and being overweight.

This is my journey....